its a techno society out there and EVERYONE's dancing to the same beat.... everyone's turning techno freak~

hands in the air *thomps thomps thomps* sway to the right *thomps thomps thomps* sway to the left *thomps thomps thomps*

y cant i just enjoy the winds and strings of four seasons, or the ivories keys of the duke?

its getting so damn loud and noisy everyday... gradually eating away the other tunes in my mind and making me numb~

would playing deaf and dumb be it?

day 007

30 mins before i had to go, my baggage now lighter but the heart non the lesser. and the wet rainy weather isnt making it any better.

come tomorrow never knows... as today have not end

day 001

0600... i lifted my heavy head, struggled to open my heavy eyes and finally dragged my heavy feet up n going~

my heart is heavy too... as i be going away for a fornight.

bags packed n uniform done, i cannot help but feel helpless. i do not know whats in store as i can only now go fore n not back. those heavy bags added burden to my already stressed heart.

there will be many others like me... lost souls trapped in lost time with infinity questions of doubts.. but theres nothing we can do but slowly wait for those lost time to pass by...

its time to bid my farewell... armed with caution and ready to go...

and oh how i know i will miss you so

26th jan~ exactly one mth when my black star turned gold... is now dust~

n the alarm clock mysteriously went off at 12 midnite to celebrate my downfall...

i am not surprisied?! Ahhh... maybe its always happening to me... so often that its now juz a bad joke waiting to happen...

ironic as it seems to be reading this

"Strange isn't it?

How sometimes in life you go one big circle to come back to the starting point? Sure, we all go through different experiences in life but it's how you take it from there-you can choose to learn from it or simply be bitter about it. Like it or not, life isn't always a sweet story. Some experiences can bring you to a whole new level or it can tear you down. Whatever it may be, we should use these experiences to encourage others, to give them the motivation to go through it because people make up a very important part of our lives. Some fill you up, some make u go nuts while others just drift in and out. I think it's good to have a mix of everything, kinda makes life interesting...so ( being a chocoholic), I'll take the whole box of chocolate thank you very much.

Take your pick."

maybe it was already long forsaken~

rather... i flip open my radiohead book of life philosophy n quote my fav passage~

"If you have been rejected many times in your life, then one more rejection then one more rejection isn't going to make much difference.

If you're rejected, don't automatically assume it's your fault. The other person may have several reasons for not doing what you're asking her to do: none of it may have anything to do with you. Perhaps the person is busy or not feeling well or genuinely not interested in spending time with you.

Rejections are part of everyday life. Don't let them bother you. Keep reaching out to others. Keep reaching out to others. When you begin to recieve positive responses, then you are on the right track. It's all a matter of numbers. Count the positive responses and forget about the rejections."

Mmm... perhaps life really has no joy~

i went back into it again... this time however im more or less ready to handle whatever it is to charge up at me... i wanna experience it once more... to see if im really ready to accept living in the system... and just maybe there could really be a chance of compromise... living in and out of the "matrix"

for a brief moment it felt as though it could happened... i thought "hey... this could just be it!" but fuck... how wrong was i to be... my guard went up when i saw "agents" hanging around the area

so then.... there i was... even before the food in my digestive system could be fully broken down... i was attacked in full force! the "agents" had been planning this move... and i must say it was a rather well executed one... HA! "fuck you!" i thought to myself... im SO ready now... i had been half expecting it and now i feel as though i can single handedly kick their freaking ass high up in the blue skies...

their movement were fast and swift... trying their moves and trying to find my weak spot... i must say they almost found it... but my will is even stronger than before... after their first wave of attack... blood and guts splatted all over... screams and shouts of both agonies and power can be "heard & felt"

soon i found myself being cornered with no possible way of escape... i didnt panic... keeping my calm... i was forced to use my secret weapon...

keeping them at bay... i can feel their frustrations... they gave all they had and i countered with whatever i had been training with... and there...i won the battle

the dust settled and in the end there was only one victim... her...

im sad i wounded her... i seriously do not know what her intentions are and i was forced to hurt her... our worlds are different... our dreams are wrong...

sorry i had to leave you lying there in pain... i know that i will and would wanna see you again... but the next time we meet...i will have one hand in my pocket... on my gun... really to strike you down anytime

today i went into the "matrix".... what was supposed to be a date turned into a terrible experience inside the complex twists n turns in the "system"...

i was interrogated with many questions that i couldnt answer... i became confused and tried escaping... however the "agent smiths" were strong... holding me down firmly n trying hard to force the blue pill down my throat~ saying things that drilled deeply into my fragile mind~ Arghh... i screamed out loud inside my head as they violated me mentally... but who can hear as the "matrix" is full of blue pills itself~

i had a chance and i finally escaped~ however only to be corner again by even more agents at their HQ... this time i was prepared and i shut it all out... not wanting my weak mind to be willed by them again... finally n eventually i escaped... leaving the agents behind smiling and laughing at me...

i cant help feeling weak.... n violated... i thought i could handle the "system" but i guess i will need my training... i almost done the ultimate by taking the extreme blue pill...

but what sadden me most was that she is now inside the "matrix"... she is now an agent and she tried to "kill" me

its just isnt the same anymore... its now just so cold... so very very cold... i miss those days when everything was much warmer and i actually think that i will get burnt... but in reality it didnt happened~

did i do something wrong to make the warmth go away? was i too selfish and eager to get warm?

maybe everything was not meant to be.. maybe it just shouldnt be~
i was winning a battle (inside my mind) but losing a war (in my heart)~